I’m thankful for $0.08 CDs on e-Bay.
I’m thankful for a week off of work.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

I’m going crazy.

Dear Crazy Lady beating on my bedroom window at 2:52am,

Hi, I hope this letter finds you well. I am sorry you thought you had a different apartment. I am sorry that it was 40 degrees outside. I’m sorry that it was raining. I’m sorry that I didn’t hear you the first time you banged on my window like a madman. I’m sorry that I yelled at you like no other when I realized that, yes, I am not going crazy, there is someone beating on my window at 2:52am. I’m sorry that I didn’t call the cops on your wet behind. I’m sorry that we couldn’t be friends.

Take care,
Brandon Martus

P.S. I have rabies. And I bite. Don’t come back.