No, I’m not talking about deodorant (although, I do hope you use that every day).

English.

It’s the language we speak, write, etc. I’m not proclaiming to be a great writer, but I’d like to think I’ve got the basics down: spelling, contractions, and the general grammar rules. I can remember when instant messaging was first becoming main-stream; I remember thinking: “How cool is this? I can write and skip words, letters, and puncutation! And look at all these cool little acronyms! This is GR8, thanks AOL! LOL!”

No. No thanks to you, AOL. I’d hate to be a grade school teacher trying to decipher little Johnny’s paper about his dad’s new car.

my dad bought a blu corvette today lol! its so fast!! my friend jeff came over 2day and said that it goes so fast that u will never B L8 to nething nemore. all my friends R jealous and want they’re dads to buy 1 to.

(I’m relieved that little 2-3 sentence blurb took a while to figure out how to write improperly.)

So anyway, I felt the need to rant about this. It’s generally the first thing I notice when reading anything these days. (papers, websites, instant messages, away messages, blogs, etc.) I’m a pain in the butt, so I usually will sarcastically question what you mean by making fun of you — it’s not that I don’t like you, I just wish you’d take the time to think about a few simple facts. I’m not asking for 100% perfect grammar, spelling, punctuation, and sentence form (because I take a few shortcuts here and there) but I do appreciate it when the following words are used correctly.

• its = possessive adjective (possesive form of the pronoun it): The crab had an unusual growth on its shell.
• it’s = contraction for it is or it has (in a verb phrase): It’s still raining; it’s been raining for three days. (Pronouns have apostrophes only when two words are being shortened into one.)

• Their = possessive pronoun: They got their books.
• There = that place: My house is over there. (This is a place word, and so it contains the word here.)
• They’re = contraction for they are: They’re making dinner. (Pronouns have apostrophes only when two words are being shortened into one.)

• To = preposition, or first part of the infinitive form of a verb: They went to the lake to swim.
• Too = very, also: I was too tired to continue. I was hungry, too.
• Two = the number 2: Two students scored below passing on the exam.

• Your = possessive pronoun: Your shoes are untied.
• You’re = contraction for you are: You’re walking around with your shoes untied. (Pronouns have apostrophes only when two words are being shortened into one.)

(source: Purdue University writing lab)

I guess that’s it. Bring on the “your a big jerk” and “you have an extra comma” comments …